Finding a nanny that feels like family!
Where to start
I’ve successfully found two nannies that I fully trust with my children. I know I am very blessed that we were able to find someone we love not only once but twice. Leaving your baby with a complete stranger is not only sad but it can be very terrifying for a new mother. We struggle with mama guilt. Will my baby still love me? What if he cries when the nanny leaves? Will our relationship be affected? Am I a bad mother for leaving my child? I want every mom out there that’s reading this to know all of these feelings and questions are NORMAL. Almost every mother before you who has left her new baby to go back to work has felt the same exact way. Know that as a mother you have a bond no one will ever be able to take away.
As long as you find someone you trust, before you know it you will be in a wonderful routine. You will go to work, come home and be able to spend a few precious hours with you babe. The key is to find someone you fully trust. I’m here to help you with that part.
Though I am going to share some tips and tricks I used to find both of our nannies just remember this is just as much about mommy intuition. You might find someone that fits the Mrs. Nipple criteria, but if it doesn’t feel right, DON’T hire them. TRUST YOUR GUT.
If you are a new mom, I would suggest you sign up for your town mom facebook group. Most towns in the country have a mom Facebook group and it’s a great way to find someone that comes recommended by someone in your town. This would be my first recommendation.
Also sign up for care.com. It’s very easy to use and you can do a monthly package. I do not use care.com for our weekend or vacation babysitters but I did use it for both of our nannies. You can create an “ad” around what you are looking for and post it. You will start getting many responses, but now what?!
Start responding to get a better understanding of what they are looking for. If they align with hours, pay, and any other non-negotiables you can ask for a phone interview.
There are a number of questions I ask before I even think about inviting the caregiver over to my home. We’ve only interviewed four nannies (face to face) total for both of our hires. Here are the questions I ask before I invite them into our home to meet our children.
Why do you think you would be a good fit for caring for our children?
What has your past experience been? I like someone that has at least 5 years of experience with babies and infants. Experience with twins is a bonus!
What was your last job, and why are you leaving? I always like to talk to the family of the job they are leaving. Sometimes the timing works perfectly and the other kids are grown but you want to make sure they were not fired.
How many sick days have you taken in the last year? Are you on time? I look for under 3 sick days in a year. Both of our nannies took zero sick days when I asked. Their references even told me stories of them coming during snow storms. You need to first find someone that you can trust with your children but you also need to find someone that is reliable. You need to set yourself up for a smooth transition back to work and this is a non-negotiable. You can’t have someone taking multiple sick days per quarter or being consistently late. Our nanny called out sick one day in over a year.
Are you comfortable wearing multiple hats? As a working mother you need someone that can wear multiple hats. You can’t be running around after work trying to be it all. That’s the time you have to spend with you baby. Find someone that is comfortable running to the dry cleaners or to the grocery store if needed. The more flexible you tell them they need to be up front the better. That way when you do need help you will feel 100 percent comfortable asking. Remember…again…YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL AND IT’S OK.
Do you drive and do you have a safe car? Our first nanny didn’t drive and it was ok because we lived downtown, walking distance to everything. For the sake of your nanny’s mental health and your baby’s, you need them to have their license. Even if you don’t want them to drive your children in the car at first, after you get to know them you will get comfortable with the idea. I didn’t want any one to drive Charlie around but when they get a little older they should be going to classes and socializing and to get to classes in your community they need a car. It’s also important to make sure they are not relying on anyone else to get to your home on time.
What is their fee? Get this out of the way. Don’t accept a range. Ask for a specific weekly or per hour amount. Also ask them how many hours they are expecting per week.
What are some things you would have changed about your last position if you could? This gives them an opportunity to share what they disliked about their old job. I think this is an important one to ask so even if they say everything was perfect push a touch to get a better understanding of their likes and dislikes, etc. This will help get a sense if you will be a good fit
Are you CPR certified? If not will you be willing to take a class before you start? Can I run a background check? or driving record? Non- negotiables
How many years have you nannied on average for families? Take me through the last ten years. I look for at least 3-4 years with each family unless one of the parents decided to leave work and stay with the kids full time or the kids were in school most of the day and they were not working enough hours during the day to stay with the family.
If you feel great about the above then invite them over for a face to face interview. If you are on the fence let them know you will follow up with them in a few days and keep doing phone interviews. If you are still thinking about them after the other interviews then invite them over. If not then you can send them a note on care.com or text letting them know it won’t work out.
In person interview
This is where your mama gut plays a large role. Try and have two people at the interview so someone can hang with the kids and you can focus on the interview. Invite them over to your home. Really watch their every move and pay attention to anything and everything from their eye contact to their tone to their hand movements.
Shirley, our first nanny, was the only interviewee that came in immediately washed her hands and asked to hold the baby. Those were the first things she did. She was a natural and even began cooing to him. She didn’t care how she looked to us (making baby sounds) she was just trying to connect with him. I knew I wanted to hire her from the moment she interacted with him. I just had this over whelming feeling she was perfect.
During our nanny #2 interview, Charlie was 1 1/2 years old and I knew he would try and interrupt our interview. I made a conscious effort not to help him if he needed help. I wanted to see if the interviewee would get up and help him on her own. When Charlie was getting frusterated as he tried to pull out a chair to sit with us, she got up immediatly asked if I would mind if she helped him. She gently placed her hand on his arm and said “I’ll help you” in a soft tone and pulled out the chair. I mention how she touched him and spoke to him because remember this person will be with your child many hours each day. You need to make sure they speak to your child and act in a way you would want your child to speak and act because things they do will rub off on them. I wasn’t as sure about this nanny as I was our first. This is where the reference call is key.
Having a call with the employer of their last job is so important. The conversation I had with the two families about both nannies really sealed the deal. They could not say enough good things about them, and kept ME on the phone for 30 minutes before I could even get a word in. This made it very clear that they were not doing this as a favor but really truly wanted both of their nannies to find another long term family to be a part of. I was very confident with both women after my reference calls.
I hope this helps you mamas going back to work or just searching for help find someone special. Don’t settle. I know it’s a very emotional time but I promise it gets better.